When people said that losing a child is the most painful thing – they are not mistaken. I have friends who lost a child due to delivery complications, and shared with them the pain of losing their child. Being a parent myself, I have felt their loss – and were it been me; I would have been devastated.
There is no quick fix. No matter how much love and support we give our friends, their loss is great. As friends, we’ll try our best to help them recover and cope. With postpartum depression setting in, the journey was hard and long.
My friends have been planning for this child a couple of months after getting married. Marie is a close friend and having witnessed how fun (sometimes, very chaotic) having kids around, she has always wanted to start a family from day 1.
Her husband, who came from a large close-knit family, doesn’t need convincing. He was just waiting for Marie to want to start a family.
After a few months, before their 1st anniversary, Marie announced they’re pregnant and everybody – family, friends, and co-workers – shared this joyful occasion with them. You can see them both beaming with happiness.
Marie’s pregnancy journey was uneventful until she gave birth – 2 months before her due date. She gave birth to a stillborn child. No immediate cause was given other than this could have been caused by the insufficient flow of blood to the placenta. Instead of a happy celebration, we have a funeral to arrange.
This was hard for Marie and her husband, but they know that neither of them was at fault, that they need each other to move on from this episode.
Ironically, one of the things that helped Marie cope with this tragedy is to visit the nursery (they have converted the extra room into one) almost every day. She would talk to her baby that she was sad she died. She would cry with her baby dolls, hold them tight, and then find release in this manner.
She accepts that her baby is no longer with them, hard yes, but life has to go on. From time to time, she would get depressed. Sometimes thinking that this incident could be her fault, if only she were more careful, etc. Fortunately, her husband was supportive and would always tell her that she did her best and it’s not her fault this happened.
My friend’s journey was hard. It took all her willpower not to succumb to depression and not to blame herself.
Now looking back, the most important thing she has that helped her with this loss is a loving husband that supports her, a network of family and friends, who are quick to point out to her that she did all she can and the incident was never her fault.
Good thing that there are also support groups nationwide that answer to the needs to these moms, some who are not as lucky as she is.