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The past couple of weeks I’ve felt and acted like a hot mess. Stemming from a whole host of things. Not just one event, relational issue, summer break, Fight night, broken down cars etc. It’s been everything all at once and lingering over a couple weeks. The burden of it all, the roller coaster ride of emotions surrounding every “issue” OR “event”, has me feeling completely off kilter and basically out of whack. Having to catch my words and actions more often. (heavy conviction when I don’t) Thinking and over thinking. Worrying. You know, drama. Which I loathe. I try to avoid it because I am empathetic and I do allow everything around me, at times, to get inside and do a work on me. I’ve become better armed and more level headed and hearted but I’m imperfect and don’t always reach for that armor. What I’ve come to realize is this.

Friendships. That lovely, wonderful, encouraging and at times complicated word, needs some adjustments. Like we were taught in church, and a rule I live by, is that you have your circle of friends and then you have your inner circle. You need to choose wisely who fits where. You gain that wisdom by praying and seeking the word and allowing God to guide you as to who goes where.

I now know, who is in my inner circle. Who is trusted with this precious spot and who isn’t. I differentiated last night between loving friends and caring about friends. That wasn’t right and not what I generally practice. We are called to love even when it’s hard to like. Love is a choice. You can choose obedience or not.

I love you but your constant need to create an issue or have an issue is toxic to me. If you have insecurities or things you struggle with, I’ll listen. I’ll talk it through with you, but I will not take the heat for them. I didn’t create them, I don’t add to them and they aren’t mine. They are yours.

People who are cantankerous and constantly feel the need to implant or create division, I’m stepping back from. People who create a competition among friends, basically make everyone else’s world uncomfortable, I’m going distance myself from you.

When your circle is 95% women, there are bound to be issues. Reality folks. Men don’t behave this way. They’ll just tell you to kick rocks. Women want to talk about the rocks, cry over them, protect them and hurl them at each other. It can be Madness. I’m over it.

Friendships should be about love, support, sacrifice, service, growth, kindness and above all encouragement.

Children seem to have this down pat. If a child loves you, feel honored. They don’t care what you look like, who you’re married to, what you drive, what’s in your bank account, the color of your skin and the size of pants you wear…..they see someone they admire and want to be close to. Someone they want to give their hugs and stories to. Someone cool to be around. Don’t be a jerk. Recognize this. Learn from them.

That’s my purge for the day. Now I’m gonna attempt to wrestle three monkeys up for grocery shopping (since ravioli was the option for breakfast) and attempt to gain some control over the 4,586 loads of laundry I have stock piled.

Wish me luck.


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