It’s true. I am unapologetic for taking care of myself and giving myself the attention I deserve in spite of the mountain of things naysayers say and do to deflate me. That doesn’t equate to ego- that’s confidence. There’s a big difference. In fact, I’m far from egotistical and far from self- absorbed like some people I know; with an unhealthy addiction to ‘self.’ Which is how I know the difference. I’m a recluse and an introvert. Contrary to what some might think- I’m an INFJ personality- and with that, you should understand exactly why you misunderstand. I’m humble and I don’t mind giving compliments. However, I give honest compliments.
People will go all out with opinions of you when you are confident. Which is pathetic of them. Because they lack confidence and are insecure or self-conscious about themselves, they can’t handle that you have dignity. If you work hard to have the body you desire, the success you have- push yourself and walk in greatness- you shouldn’t have to be ashamed. You don’t have to cater to someone else’s insecurities. You should humble yourself and be grateful, and that doesn’t come with insecurities or having to walk with your head down so that other people can feel better about themselves. In fact, if I would have to downplay myself, just to make you feel good, then we don’t belong in the same circle. If you require that your friends and associates hide their happiness, then you are truly unhappy with yourself. If you do not feel comfortable around someone who’s confident, then it is you who are insecure. It is you who need to make a change. If you can’t handle someone who is proud of themselves, you need to take a cold, hard stare at yourself- not them. Especially if it’s just a person who commands attention without saying a word. That is not someone who’s egotistical. That’s someone who allows success to speak for itself. When you attract people without having to talk or tell them who you are or what you do, that’s a sign in itself that success is silent. People confuse that with you doing things for attention. Without acknowledging that you never said one word. If I am nominated for an award that I did not pay for, why should I be ashamed that I was nominated? And why would I hide that?
If I posted a picture and I look great and fit in a work out uniform, why should I not be proud of myself for eating healthy and taking care of myself? Because in all truth, if someone weighed 300lb and was considered unhealthy and obese but they took a challenge to lose weight naturally-you would praise them and congratulate them. So why is it that if someone has always taken care of themselves and their body, that you have so much to say about them ‘flaunting.’ Or always call it ‘societal issues’ that give girls a false perception and evoke obsessions of body image, in young girls.
Let me be very clear. I am not talking about people who constantly rub in your face the things they do, places they’ve been or bible pushers and those who hound you about what you should eat in order to “look” like them. What you should do and how much they have accomplished. I am not talking about people who clearly think they rank higher than you or feel that you are beneath them. Ii am not talking about people who are overly critical, attention seekers. Nor am I talking about people with delusions of grandeur. This does not apply to that behavior characteristic.
I am specifically talking about people who undergo extreme criticism because they are simply happy with themselves, who doesn’t seem to be bothered by other people success and are happy with who they are. The love to give compliments. They love acknowledging others, yet they stay at the brunt of negativity, for absolutely no reason. They are not perfect, but because they draw attention for whatever the reasons, other people misconstrue their motives and unfairly criticize them for attracting positive results.
It’s perfectly ok to pay yourself on the back. And if you do things to make yourself happy all while creating an environment best for humanity- you deserve to be happy. And to the naysayers- stop criticizing people for being happy about who they are! Stop bashing people who work hard to do what they want to do and are excelling at it. Stop over estimating your thoughts about them just because they are confident. Put to rest, your pre-conceived notions about the “pretty girl”. You have no idea who they are or what they go through or what they have done in their life, when you write them off as “conceited” just because you think they are pretty and they are confident. Stop with the judgment about someone just because of their looks. They are none of what you say. That opining is formed because of how you feel about YOURSELF! Your assumptions about their life, who they are and how they are, is a figment of YOUR imagination. If I worked out ten times a week just because it makes me happy and the result is that I’m fit and healthy and I can wear things you can’t, that doesn’t make me egotistical- that makes me dedicated to my work out plan. That makes me motivated to stay healthy. That makes me extremely excited about being able to look in the mirror and be happy with myself, not to get your attention or your compliments.
They beat you down, and beat you down and are upset at the fact that you rise and not only that you rise, but you rise and triumph. You seem unaffected at their efforts to beat you down, drag you down, hold you down and stomp you while down. They are upset that you will not stay down. It makes the work harder, it makes them frustrated. It makes them uneasy.
The truth about me is, I don’t seek validation. I don’t thrive on compliments or accolades. I don’t need approval. I set goals so that I can reap the rewards. If I set out to do something and I accomplish is, why should I be afraid? If that makes you uncomfortable, then you are desperately in need of a life coach. It saddens me to see women who actually are bothered when another woman looks good, feels good and as a result they get the attention that you desire. And as a response, you call her arrogant. That’s all wrong. Why does it annoy you so much that the next person lives such a fulfilling life? Whether they have the job, the body, the man, the career, the go getter attitude, drive and intestinal fortitude to thrive in business and be what they feel makes them whole? Shouldn’t you use them as an example instead of bashing them?
On behalf of all the women who go through this, I will say to the critics and want to be psychoanalysis non-experts —count how many times I say “ME, MYSELF AND I” in this post. I bet that number, in spite of the message will override the intent here, and still give you a reason to hate yourself. I still have love for even, that girl. I leave you the lyrics to Alicia Keys, Brand new kind of me.”
It’s been a while, I’m not who I was before
You look surprised, your words don’t burn me anymore
Been meaning to tell you, but I guess it’s clear to see
Don’t be mad, it’s just the brand new kind of me
Can’t be bad, I found a brand new kind of free
Careful with your ego, he’s the one that we should blame
Had to grab my heart back
God knows something had to change
I thought that you’d be happy
I found the one thing I need, why you mad
It’s just the brand new kind of me
It took a long long time to get here
It took a brave, brave girl to try
It took one too many excuses, one too many lies
Don’t be surprised, don’t be surprised
If I talk a little louder
If I speak up when you’re wrong
If I walk a little taller
I’ve been under you too long
If you noticed that I’m different
Don’t take it personally
Don’t be mad, it’s just the brand new kind of me
That ain’t bad, I found a brand new kind of free
Oh, it took a long long road to get here
It took a brave brave girl to try
I’ve taken one too many excuses, one too many lies
Don’t be surprised, oh see you look surprised
Hey, if you were a friend, you want to get know me again
If you were worth the while
You’d be happy to see me smile
I’m not expecting sorry
I’m too busy finding myself
I got this
I found me, I found me, yeah
I don’t need your opinion
I’m not waiting for your ok
I’ll never be perfect, but at least now I’m brave
Now, my heart is open
And I can finally breathe
Don’t be mad, it’s just the brand new kind of free
That ain’t bad, I found a brand new kind of me
Don’t be mad, it’s a brand new time for me.