I have learned so many things during my 14 years as a wife and 13 as a mom. Taking on those roles have helped me to realize three things; the power of no, the freedom of yes, and the awesomeness of my authentic self. As women, we often have trouble saying yes to the things that empower us, no to the things that suffocate us, and showing up as the most honest and authentic version of ourselves. I am going share with you my top 5 boundary enforcement methods to help you decide, what needs a yes, what needs a no and how to stay true to you in the midst of it all.
Notice, I said boundary enforcement, one of the main issues that I see come up with my moms is that they are great at setting boundaries, but not so great at actually enforcing them, because they don’t want to rock the boat or make anyone uncomfortable.
Will these tips be easy? No, change never is, but in the long run, everyone that you love and loves you will be better off.
Creating and enforcing boundaries is meant to do three things:
- Empower you
- Empower others
- Keep you sane
Now, let’s get to it!
- Have a schedule – when your family has an idea on what to expect and when, you’ll get less resistance. This means that you are going to have to get purposeful about creating schedules and following them consistently. Which leads me to step 2.
- Be consistent – be consistent about enforcing the consequences for not following your boundaries. If you are only selling ‘wolf’ tickets, no one is going to respect you or your boundaries.
- Do it all in love – just because you are enforcing a boundary, it doesn’t mean that you have to be mean and nasty. You can be firm and sweet. Firm doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t bend and Sweet doesn’t mean pushover.
- How do you want to feel – when you know how you want to feel, it makes it easier to say no to the things that don’t help you to create those feelings. If one of your core feelings is to feel free, and the PTO president asks you to volunteer for an event last minute but, your schedule is already packed, and you feel that if you say no you will be viewed as a ‘bad or lazy mom’ but, if you say yes you will feel trapped and forced, so which do you choose? Do you choose to be the good soldier and trade your authenticity for a pat on the back or stay true to you and how you want to feel by honoring your schedule and how you want your life to look? Here’s what I know for sure. When we tell people no, one of the two things happens. They are either blessed with the yes they were supposed to get or, they are blessed with nos and they move on to something greater. Knowing how you want to feel in each holy instant helps you to live your best life always.
- Know where you want to go – again in coaching, many moms don’t know where THEY want their life to go. They have goals for their family, their kids, their husbands and everything in between. Ask them, what plans they have for their life beyond getting the kids out of the house and doing laundry and they have no clue. If you don’t have an active plan for your life, everyone else will. Learn how to set goals that stick.
Those are my 5 methods to enforcing your boundaries. You can create your dream life before your kids grow up, but you have to be willing to do the work and make it work.
Share: What are some of the ways you enforce your boundaries or what areas do you need help in?
Until next time,
Peace Love & Recovery
Beautifully written! I have to say after momming for five years I am leaning more into becoming my authentic self. Mostly because I am to tired to care what other people expect of me. But, it’s also freeing!
Thanks for the compliment Roxanne. You’re right it very freeing to stand in your own greatness and be OK with that 🙂